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ON-GOING PEACE PRACTICE

Non-Violent Communication

We are beginning to organize an NVC practice group for Buddhist practitioners in the context of right speech. Those interested can email us at nvc@bpfny.org.

A Technique for practicing right speech

based on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's teachings, see www.cnvc.org.

Engaging the Other:

We apply the practice of non-violent communication to the theme of 'engaging the other'. Here's how it works:

Whenever you encounter someone whom you view/label as "other,"

  1. Pause and observe. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Try to stay with your body sensations, your breath. Step back from conceptualizing.
  2. Listen, with an ear attuned to the question, "What does this person need right now?"
  3. Notice what happens, and if possible, explore a way to engage the person.
  4. If it's too difficult to listen for the person's needs (resistance, fear, etc.), then listen with the question, "What do I need right now?" and if possible make a concrete/do-able request of yourself and/or the "other."

We share our experiences with this practice at our monthly gatherings. Feel free to share this invitation to practice.

Non-violent communication is a practice in right speech. Here are the guidelines:

  • Observation--just the facts
  • How am I feeling
  • Because I have a need
  • Make a request "Would you be willing to ...?"

This might be expressed as:

When A happens, I feel B because I have a need for C. Are you willing to D?

For instance,

"When I saw you take the last piece of apple pie without asking me if I wanted any, I felt sad because I have a need for connection and inclusion. Would you be willing to invite me to share next time?"

The emphasis here is on remaining engaged, rather than achieving any particular outcome. This technique can be used internally, to check in with your own feelings and needs, and/or in conversation with another. When checking internally, the "I/you" could be thought of as one part of yourself conversing with another.

For more info on NVC, please visit the International Center for Non-violent Communication at www.cnvc.org.